TOWARDS THE RUBICON

Events from the past roost like bats in my memory
My ghostly twin looks vaguely back at me
A fraudulent enterprise, this interminable monologue
This one ended stick, will it survive with an epilogue?

A schism is brewing in my internal wanderings
Unsustainable, not to be contained, a toxic wellspring
The day has no shape, I view it askance
It trundles into life, its white noise enhanced

Symbols of innocence have bitten the dust
Worn with effort, there is no salve, just rust
Nagging questions, answers tucked away beyond reach
Non-digestible hurts that perennially leach

An unspecial person, diminished in my own eyes
It's all very tiring, really. When the dream dies . . .
The dead zone flag planted squarely in the heart
One move away from checkmate, and there's no more re-start

Who would have thought it a full contact sport
Destruction of my constitution, the crushing of the fort
To loose something pivotal brings serious jeopardy
The brain one scrambled mess, cavernous and tardy

Bound for nowhere, and the road seems to lead there
A soggy wet blanket, too darn tired to really care
No discernible sense of humour, the character of a boulder
To the sense of self, just too many punches to shoulder

A gramophone languishing in a flatscreen world
Derivatives of emotions, distilled and in swirl
Now back to the saltmines, continue to sort
Sine cera, sine cera. Tout court, tout court

Robyn Toh
10th March 2012

Note 1 : The Rubicon is a shallow river in northeastern Italy. The Latin word rubico means "red". The river was so named because its waters are colored red by mud deposits. It was key to protecting Rome from Civil War. The idiom "Crossing the Rubicon" means to pass a point of no return, and refers to Julius Ceasar's army's crossing of the river in 49 BC, which was considered an act of insurrection.

Note 2 : Sine cera comes from the Latin meaning 'without wax', because when the Romans made pots they sometimes sealed the base with wax, claiming that they were watertight, but in time the wax melted or wore away, rendering the pot useless for liquids. Therefore those pots not finished with wax were inscribed 'sine cera' to prove that they were sound, and from this evolved our word 'sincere'.

Note 3 : Tout court; in French meaning literally "in short", and is typically used to mean "nothing else".

Picture : A row of doors at Suffolk House, Penang, which served as the residence of Francis Light, the founder of the British Settlement Penang Island. Picture taken by Robyn, Dec 2011